


Five Years

by chickodee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Allura and Coran Cry, Allura and Lance are Siblings, Altean Lance (Voltron), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blue is Even Worse, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lotor and Lance were Childhood Friends, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lotor (Voltron), Red is Protective of Lance, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), They Want to Take Care of Their Space Children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-03-20 17:44:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13722813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickodee/pseuds/chickodee
Summary: Allura thought she lost her younger brother ten thousand years ago before the Galran's attacked their planet. Lance thought his memory problems had been caused by the car crash the McLain's had said he had been in when he was twelve. After boarding a Galran ship Lance is forced to remember the events leading up to the attack that wiped out his kind leaving only three Alteans left in the universe. Now he's forced to deal with the trauma and guilt brought back up with his memories, and he's not sure if he can handle it all over again.





	1. I Know

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter will be the only one from Allura's point of view. The rest will be in Lance's. I know this first one is on the shorter side, but the rest will be very lengthy!!

Allura knew from the moment she entered the cryopod that she would be plagued with grief and loss for the rest of her life. She knew that she was losing her family, her people, her planet. Everyone she ever cared about would be gone.

She had prepared herself for that pain the second her eyes closed; forcing her into a deep cryogenic sleep.

But Allura wasn't prepared for waking up and falling into the arms of an all too familiar face. It struck her like a slap to the face; disorientating, but he looked so different. So much older than the twelve-year-old she once knew. His hair was brown, eyes a deep blue, smile so much more snarky. They even had the _same name_ for quiznak's sake.

She had chalked it up to some sort of cruel joke the universe had put on her. Giving her a paladin with a striking resemblance to her late younger brother. It haunted her having to see his face everyday, but they had a job to do and she powered through it as if she didn't even recognized the similarities. She had so much more on her plate than to focus on the new Blue Paladin.

But there were those days where they stayed on the cattleship with the mismatched and strange grouping that was considered her new albeit strained family. When they would be eating dinner or spending bonding time together and she would catch that recognizable smile on the Earthlings face. That subtle satisfaction and half-lidded contentment. Every time she saw that face she'd have to quickly excuse herself with Coran following right after her.

Every time they would cry together. She would sob into his shoulder, and even though he comforted her she would always feel the dampness of Coran's silent tears. The Prince had been a light in the kingdom. But they both knew it was snubbed from them forever. This paladin wasn't him.

He was gone.

And Lance could never replace that.

She was wrong to put her misplaced vehemence on the teenager and she knew it, but she couldn't afford to see that smile. That glimmer or her lost brothers face on him. That smile that he inherited from their father. It was too much. She cared for the seventeen-year-old, but staying stern with him and trying to stay serious during his joking moods was what kept him from flashing her that look.

That look could kill her.

Yet despite all this she was here in her room, head in hands, thinking about him. Her dear brother swimming in her mind. All the special moments they had spent together before that day he went missing. Lost and presumed dead as soon as the kingdom was attacked.

She tried to keep back the tears, only vaguely noticing the mice curling into her lap trying to comfort her, but this pain was not one to be easily soothed. She could see the little boys face, grinning up at her, his mop of white hair curled around his ears and tickling his cheeks. Those bright blue eyes that matched her own except for the flash of light green that was his pupil. That same color that was the crescent lines under his eyes that matched their fathers.

Allura brushed her hair back, grip tight. She needed to stop this ritualistic tendency. Coran had told her many times that it was unhealthy to constantly think of him. Though he was a hypocrite and they both knew it. He was equally as obsessed. They grieved for their people, the race that had flourished but was now extinct. But losing him was the beginning of that grief, and it throbbed in their hearts the hardest after. For them both it was suffering they never thought was possible to feel.

Chuchule climbed up her arm, the pink mouse nuzzling Allura's cheek. The Princess sniffed, offering a smile to her companions, all with varying degrees of worry on their faces. "I'll be okay." She promised, putting Chuchule back with the others. They took her words begrudgingly and that offered her a twitch of a genuine smile.

"Princess?" Allura looked up sharply and mice scampered off the bed in an instant.

Coran was standing in the doorframe of her room, hair messed with dark circles already forming under his eyes. "Yes, Coran?" She tried to sound regal, but her voice sounded like it had been before the war. Before she was a twenty-five-year-old with hopes too high assisting her father and the previous Voltron team. When she was a small seven-year-old Princess crying out for her parents after scraping her knee when she was explicitly told not to run down the hallways. Tired and lonely.

"You don't need to put a front up for me, Princess." Coran conceded softly, entering her room without needing to be told too. Like these constant memories Coran's comfort has become. . a sacrament of hers. The ginger-headed Altean sat on the edge of her bed, smoothing down the sheets. "You're thinking of him again. . ."

"I wish I could stop." Allura whimpered, balling her trembling fingers into fists. Coran covered them with his own and she noticed how cold his touch was. During the day when he could be distracted from his own thoughts his touches were always warm flits of sunlight on her and the paladins skin. "I'm not telling you to."

"I _want_ to." Allura spoke through clenched teeth. She wanted to forget him with all of her heart. Remembering their father and mother was hard, yes. _But him_. She had watched him grow. It was only twelve years the boy got to live, but each **tick** was so precious to her.

Allura was the future of her kingdom. All of Altea looked at her as their next queen. She would rule them without a shadow of a doubt that she wouldn't live up to their King. They believed - _knew_ \- that she would quickly proceed him in numerous ways. They followed her without hesitation.

But their beloved Prince Lance. He was the heart that threaded the kingdom together the moment of his birth. Not one Altean could say they disliked the boy; they adored him in fact. Loved him with every inch of their being. He was everyone's child, friend, brother. Anyone would sacrifice their life for his. Which was why it had been so shocking to the kingdom the day he went missing. Two days before the Galrans attack.

_He had been the first Altean to die in that war._

Allura clenched her head suddenly, choking on a sob. "I want to stop crying over him." Allura begged to Coran, feeling the man pull her into an embrace. She fell against the advisor, shoulders shaking as each cry wracked through her body. "I want to forget this pain I feel every time I think of him."

"I know." She could tell he was crying, feeling the tears dropping onto her neck and shoulders. Coran rubbed circles on her back in return, silently weeping. "Its hard. And I know that the last few days have been hard. With Lance in the healing pod. . ."

His voice had a lilt to it. Suggestive.

Allura flinched with immediate guilt. She should be grieving for her blue paladin. Lance had gotten severely hurt in the last battle three days earlier. A failed mission to retrieve some desperately-needed resources from a dying planet. Unfortunately the planet had been scraped clean by the Galrans and were prepared for the appearance of Voltron. Allura had poorly misjudged the situation and had to retreat.

Lance and Pidge had been the only ones that had to be put in the pods, but that didn't mean the others weren't just as badly off. Pidge had left the cryopod yesterday morning though Lance was still healing.

The team was off, too beat up and worried, so Allura hadn't forced them into training like she normally did. They deserved time off after that. She needed it too. Seeing Lance so hurt made her heart ache and left her thinking of the boy she lost ten-thousand years ago.

But he was dead and Lance was still alive. She needed to think of him.

"Is he doing better?" Allura asked attentively. Coran sat back with a smile, clasping her shoulders in his firm hands. "He'll be out in a few vargas. No need to worry. He'll be fine. And out in time for lunch."

"He'll be hungry for Hunk's food." Allura laughed, feeling fondness bubbling up in her chest. She never verbally worded it to the boy, but she loved him. His personality - even though the flirting and obnoxious tendencies got her grinding her teeth now and again - was always bright and ready to please anyone. Even in pain he smiled for the sake of his team. Allura admired him.

Coran chuckled with her, letting his hands fall to her lap. "I know you care about Lance as much as I do, but we really need to stop comparing him to the Prince." Coran's tone was serious and Allura had to nod along with him. Though a smile spread over her face. "You treat this Lance like a son just like you did with our Lance."

Coran softly smacked her shoulder, making her snigger. Though his hand quickly caught her cheek, holding her still, wiping away the tear streaks. "This Lance **is** our Lance." He corrected. "And treating him like a son is positive. I'm talking about the negative."

"I know." Allura palmed his cheeks too, brushing the teardrops off his lashes. Coran sighed, but smiled for her. She pulled at the dark bags under his eyes with her thumbs. He was usually so well-rested even after nights like these it was amusing to see him like this. It was like when she was a child and Coran was much younger and not quite in routine with his duties as the King's advisor. "Lance treats you like a father."

"I'm glad." Coran huffed. "You don't let me father you enough."

"I'm an adult!" She laughed, hugging him around the waist, resting her face against his chest. "Besides you father the other paladins too."

"Not the same." Coran teased, poking her ribs. It brought back those memories of her childhood. Coran would always be there with her parents tucking her into bed. After they would leave he would tickle her so she would forget about the monster she _believed_ lived under her bed.

"Okay, okay." Allura waved him away, throwing the sheets away from them. "We need to get the paladins awake. We're training right after breakfast."

Coran laughed in utter amusement, standing to leave the Princess in privacy to change. "You want them to vomit out their breakfast?"

Allura snapped with a smug look. "They'll have more room to eat for lunch afterwards! Lance won't have to eat alone if they get rid of their breakfast."

Coran gasped, already cascading down the hallway. "You are cruel, my Princess!"

"I know!" She yelled before her door could slide shut.

As soon as it did she gathered her clothes, stripping from her bed wear to put them on. The whole while she thought of Lance, and for once she missed his smirking face. That wasn't true, she missed it every time he was gone. Maybe today she would tell him. _Only because he would be loopy from the cryopod and likely wouldn't remember and hold it over her head_. Allura laughed at the thought. It was something the blue paladin would do without a doubt if he was functionally awake.

She headed for the door, feeling the presence of the mice following after her. The door panel slid open and she had to pause. She could hear the paladins already heading for the galley. Pidge was excitedly chattering away to Shiro - Allura guessed it was him considering she couldn't hear footsteps with Pidge's - about an invention she had been working on all night. Hunk's voice didn't reach her room and she knew he would already be in the kitchen finishing up breakfast for them all. _She really needed to thank him for taking up the position as acting chef_.

Keith's voice was barely audible, and she probably wouldn't have heard it if he spoke any lower. Allura finally left the confines of her room to follow down the hallway. Coran's voice started up every time Keith's ended. Allura could make out the questions Keith was asking. Mostly about when Lance would be out of the infirmary and how his health was progressing.

Allura was glad that the red paladin cared about him. She had been concerned that the two hated one another if it hadn't been for the bonding trials the paladins did together. Keith was just. . . a tough love to everyone's face. However as soon as one of them was out of ear shot he would quietly ask Coran how they were doing. Allura had thought maybe the questioning was more strained from his Galran blood. That maybe he worried about them judging him after all this time. However Allura was quick to realize that the worry was for his teammates overall health. Keith had gotten so much more attached to their little family after being reassured and trusted by them.

He fit the role as Red Paladin. In more ways than one Keith reminded her of her father.

Soon his and Coran's voices faded into the mingled noises of the other paladins. Lacking severally of Lance's upbeat presence. Allura almost wanted to turn around and head right to the health bay to see Lance's progression. Though she had to remember what Coran told her, and respect that his timing was correct. If she could busy herself and the paladins with training time would fly by and they would be reunited with their friend.

"So, what are we doing today?" Allura swept into the galley in time to hear Pidge asking the question. She was sitting at her usual seat, absentmindedly pushing food into her mouth while working on a small gadget cupped in her hand. Shiro handed her tools while he ate, the man shrugging. Allura smirked, falling into her seat with a flourish.

"I know exactly what we'll be doing today."


	2. To Terms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaahhhhh this is embarrassing I thought I had posted this, but I only saved it without posting oh my

Lance couldn't remember a thing before the age of twelve. It was something he had come to terms with, but sometimes it sat at the back of his mind as a voice, reminding him that in his seventeen years of life he could only remember five years of it.

When he had first woken up in the bed of a room he couldn't recognize he had been terrified. It was filled with trinkets and photos and all sorts of memorabilia he couldn't understand. A woman that he now knows affectionately as his mamã had appeared at his bedside, struggling to comfort him through the confusion. All Lance knew was that he had been in a bad car accident on his way back from an airplane show with his older brother. They had a head on collision with a semi which resulted in Lance's retrograde amnesia. He couldn't remember anything from before he woke up in his home. The first year was daunting. Having to relearn his own _family_.

There were times he had wanted to give up because it had been so much. These people were his loved ones yet they were complete strangers to him. But those nights he'd look to the stars and something itched at the back of his mind telling him - _begging him_ \- that no matter what even if the voices got too loud and too much to bare that he had to keep going.

And he did.

Because even if he couldn't recall memories he could at least make new ones with his family. It worked and it was almost like the past didn't even matter because they were in the present and only the future was important from then on. After that year Lance had blossomed into his personality; running off through the nearby towns with his older siblings, going to the beach with his younger ones, helping his mamã and papá cook meals for the whole family. Everything from then on out was spent surrounded by people he relearned to love. However there was one activity he preferred to spend in his own company.

To Lance the stars were special. The space beyond their atmosphere made his heart ache with longing he couldn't understand but wanted to desperately. On the nights he couldn't swim against the current that was his drowning thoughts he'd sneak up onto the roof of their home and count the stars before falling asleep. Like counting sheep.

The stars were soothing to his mind and the one thing he could trust to never change. They were mapped in his mind with loving intricacy. Its what eventually drove him to the Garrison. He needed to understand the soft pressure at the back of his mind evertime he looked up at the night sky.

However his family always told him he had been an over-imaginative kid and he had to admit to himself that even now his mind wanders off track to make things bigger than they appear. He was just a teenager from Cuba. The world had nothing special destined for him and this was something he had come to terms with as well.

So it was still odd even after all this time being a part of Voltron to save the universe. Pilating the Blue Lion and living in a castle ship flying around space and meeting alien races he didn't even imagine could exist. He still didn't think he was anything special especially compared to the rest of his team, but it was still wonderous _everyday_ he woke up.

However waking up from a deep cryogenic sleep never left him in awe.

Lance felt lethargic as soon as he stumbled out of the healing pod. He only ever needed to be put in them a few times, but each time it always made him feel sick. Something about being in cryogenic sleep made his skin buzz and head pang with a familiar pain he never could place. But he was good at shaking it off whenever he stepped out of the pods to the relived faces of his teammates. Seeing them waiting for him always made his heart flutter with warmth and the affection towards them always outweighed whatever feeling suffocated him inside the crypods.

This time however his friends weren't peering into his pod, or ready to catch him and pull him into embraces. It was off-putting and the blue paladin had to look around, steadying himself on the pods door.

He must've been in here longer than just a day.

Or did he emerge too early?

Lance checked his body, feeling no aches when he pressed into the places that had once been excruciating wounds. So that was a no. He was physically fit again although his stomach ached in a way he understood.

"Lance, my boy!" The blue paladin spooked at the sudden intrusion of noise in the quiet healing chamber. Though he plastered a smile on as he turned towards the door to see Coran waltzing towards him with a light expression. "Did you just wake up?"

"Yeah." Lance cough, sheepishly rubbing at the back of his neck. "Where is everyone?"

"Allura has been training them." Coran toyed a comforting arm around Lance, helping him towards the door. "They didn't forget about you." The man reassured and Lance would've laughed if he didn't feel so embarrassed. It was like the Altean always knew when he was feeling. . . less than savory thoughts. At the moment Lance felt kind of pathetic in Corans arm.

Not that the man noticed this time.

"She wanted me to retreive you." Coran patted Lance's stomach and the younger had to laugh, waving off his prodding fingers. "You must be hungry."

"Maybe." Lance chuckled, eyeing the plain walls of the castle hallways. It was weird; they were so bland and lifeless compared to the familiar wood of his home back on Earth. Marked with years of abuse from several children. However these walls always felt disgustingly familiar to him. He could run the entirety of this maze of hallways without getting lost. "How long was I even out?"

Coran paused for thought, removing his hands from Lance to clasp them behind his back. "Three days." The mans face went solemn, bright eyes clouding. "You got hurt worse than the others." Lance shrunk when the older gave him a disapproving look. "You need to **s** **top** throwing yourself in front of the others and taking the brunt of shots. You're going to get hurt one day Lance, and the cryopods won't be able to heal you."

Lance wanted to apologize, but instead he played with his fingers, feeling stupid and meek. "But. . the others are okay, right?"

Coran chuckled and the air went right back to the light one that the two normally shared in one anothers presence. "As much as I condemn you jumping in front of the others" Coran smiled softly "you saved Pidge from worse damage. She'd probably still be in the cryopods for several more days if you hadn't done what you did."

Lance sighed, feeling more relaxed. Everyone was okay and that was all that matters. Even if Coran made him promise to never protect his team with his body like he had a habit of doing he probably wouldn't follow through. Every single one of them meant more to the universe than his own life. Meant more to him.

He really didn't think he would be able to live with the grief of losing one of them.

His thoughts wandered to the failed mission that caused him to be stuck in cryogenic sleep for the past three days. It sent shivers down his spine and he had to rub his arms to get rid of the goosebumps. The Galrans were prepared for their arrival and drowned them in warriors so fast that the team became quickly disorientated by them all. He even had the misfortune of seeing Haggar there. She had been the one to land the final blow.

Lance had to shake his thoughts away from the witch. Something about her always put him off like she was a foggy, haunted memory at the back of his mind. Especially when he had to look into her piercing yellow eyes. Something in his head telling him that the color was terrifyingly familiar.

He hadn't even noticed when Coran gently pushed him into the galley where the team was settled around the table. Lance grinned, his thoughts long forgotten, to fall into his seat beside Keith and Allura.

"No hello's?" Lance sing-songed, feeling a little nervous at the lack of energy in the group of people around him. He trailed his fingers around the edges of his full plate, trying to do anything to distract from the jumble of tension in his stomach.

All he got were short grunts.

"Sorry, Lance." Shiro had his head in hand, poking at his plate with a look of displeasure. Lance noticed that nobody was eating other than Allura who had a smile teasing on her lips. Not even Pidge had energy to touch her tools strewn about her space at the table, stabbing at her food with a fork.

"Allura trained us right after breakfast." Hunk rumbled mournfully, shaking his head. "We all feel sick."

" _Haha_ \- oh no." Lance chuckled, eyes creasing at the corners with a pitying smile. Allura scoffed, flicking her wrist absentmindedly. "Oh stop whining, all of you, it wasn't _that_ bad."

"You're not the one who had to clean up my room after throwing up everywhere." Keith growled and Lance had to look at the red paladin fully. The slightly-older teen had his head pressed into his folded arms, words muffled and barely audible. Although he turned his face so he was staring at Lance. Oh, he really didn't look that good. "But we're glad to see you're up." Keith made a half-hearted attempt to pat his shoulder that made the taller laugh.

"Its okay, I don't need a party." He hummed before grabbing his fork. Though his eyes were trained on Allura as he ate. "You could've waited till I got out to train?" He knew his question would be like pulling out teeth. He'd be warranted with an eye roll from the princess. Though instead she patted his hand with a gentleness he never got from her. "You shouldn't have to train today."

Lance puffed his cheeks out, huffing. "I'm not a kid." He stabbed his plate with fever. "Training is bonding, shouldn't I be there for it?" He really didn't have an appetite anymore. Allura groaned, rubbing her temples. "Lance-"

Allura didn't need to say anything more he understood what she was getting at. They have probably been sitting back the last few days while he healed. Being in a deep sleep even for several days was like a tick in time. Three days was nothing to him in a pod compared to the others getting to laze around waiting.

"Yeah, I know." He cut her off, folding his arms.

"Really?" Alluras voice went tight and she glared at Lance. He met her gaze with a less confident one. "Acting like a child isn't going to do anything. Finish eating and then you and I can go train together. Then you can vomit everything out like the rest fo your team!" Her voice had raised and octave but Lance didn't focus on that.

His heart lept at the opportunity to train with the princess. She rarely devoted her time to him - sure she didn't ever really train with the other paladins but getting her to even be in a room alone with him was impossible - and here she was willingly putting herself into that situation.

Even if he ended up getting sick half way through he could spend time with her. He had this desperate need for the princess' approval, for her time and that open affection she displayed to the other paladins. With him it was like her feelings were always guarded, but he noticed when she thought he didn't. He noticed a lot of things that she did.

Like when he would manage to get her to smile or laugh or _just_ look at him. Everytime his heart would light up, but that light would be snubbed in an instant. Everytime Allura's expression would darken and she'd excuse herself with a quick lie unnoticed by the other paladins only ever followed after by Coran. Everytime Lance's heart would ache and he would get stuck in his own thoughts. He could be annoying and he knew this. He would go too far sometimes, joke at inappropriate times, be too childish or immature and he knew it was the reason Allura left everytime. And with every moment she left he would promise that next time he would try to not push so hard. He'd try harder to be what she needed him to be.

He wanted _desperately_  to take the offer to train with her. But he knew it would likely end in disappointment and he would have to watch her flee like always. _He just wished she liked him._

"I think I'm okay." Lance mumbled after a moments thought, forcing himself to look away. Allura didn't say anything, but he could feel her eyes on the side of his face. Saying the paladins noticed was an understatement. Where Allura and Lance's tention were palpable between them the rest of the teams awkward shuffling was much more obvious. Nobody liked to stick around with Allura was angry.

Lance lifted his dark blue eyes to watch the others desperately. Maybe one of them would save him from this situation. Pidge was collecting her stuff, clearing her throat. "Hey, Hunk, could you come help me?" Hunk didn't need to be asked a second time, already helping Pidge out of the room.

Not even Shiro and Keith had enough time to stand before Allura was already disowning Lance for his behavior. "If you're not going to take the offer to train then why would you complain about not being able to train in the first place?" She sounded exasperated and Lance couldn't look at her, feeling the shame burn on his face. "By saying you don't wanted to be treated like a child you end up looking like one even more!" Her hand reached out and the teenager was ready to flinch, but instead her fingers tightly grabbed onto his own.

"Lance." The seriousness in her tone was what made him look up. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Coran, Shiro and Keith all staring at them awkwardly. However his eyes were trapped in the intense stare that was the princess' bright blue eyes.

"You could have died. Do you understand the gravity of that?"

Lance wanted to flinch, so instead he tightened the grip around the woman's fingers. Her lip quivered - if only for a fraction of a second - and her brows creased. "The rest of the team didn't need to heal as long as you and they needed to train. Not because I want to exclude you from the activity, but because I want the rest of Voltron to be better prepared."

She closed her eyes like she was in pain and it made Lance's heart tighten with pain. Was she going to cry? Did he make her this sad looking? The thought made his throat tighten painfully because all of a sudden he wanted to cry looking at her face now.

"I don't want you to have to be in that situation again. I want everyone to be better prepared so you won't have to **ever** sacrifice yourself like that again. Lance. We just can't lose you. I can't lose. . anymore of my family. And that is what this team is to me. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." His voice cracked, but he nodded nonetheless. He needed to answer her even if he ended up sounded lame. She let go of his hand to stand, clearing her throat as if the conversation had never happened, even though the pressure of it sat on everyone's shoulder. "I need to prepare a route to the next planet we are stopping at. Coran?"

The ginger man took her elbow, giving Lance a smile that comforted the teen some. However before the pair could leave Allura paused in the doorway, a tight frown on her face before looking back at Lance. "If. . . you still want to. We can train together. Ask whenever you want to." She offered one small smile before leaving the room.

As soon as she was gone Lance slid down his chair with a loud exhale.

"I can't believe you didn't get screamed at." Keith sat back in his seat, looking down at Lance in amusement. The cuban scoffed, pulling at his hair, feeling a thin layer of sweat at the back of his neck. "Are you kidding? That was way scarier." Shiro's rumbling laugh was what finally dispersed the cloud of seriousness, the man standing across the table from the Blue Paladin. "She's just worried about you. She's barely slept the last three days you were healing."

"Really?" Lance was a little grossed out by the eagerness in his voice. He shouldn't sound so happy at being told that Allura hadn't slept for three days. But the thought that she worried about him made him smile a little. Shiro smirked at him knowingly. "Yes, so you better stop scaring her with your stunts."

"I'll try." Lance meant it even if he was a little lackluster in the response.

Shiro chuckled, waving Lance off. "I'll hold you to it."

"Where are you going?" Keith asked, leaning on one arm, watching the oldest lazily. "Unlike you." Shiro grimaced, walking backwards out of the galley. "I haven't cleaned up the mess in my room after training."

"Gross." Lance and Keith grimaced in sync, earning a louder laugh from the man as he retreated from the teenagers judging eyes. "Sooo." Lance sat up in his chair, hopefulness dancing on his tongue. He tapped his fingers along the tabletop as if he was playing an invisble piano. "Do you wanna go to the swimming pool? Maybe we can get into it this time."

In all honesty Lance mostly needed the excuse of something to remind him of the ocean back on Earth to distract him from the severity of his almost death in the last battle. Keith must've thought the same thing because he didn't hesitate to agree. "Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does this chapter feel boring? sorry if it is!


	3. I'm Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty bad at updating, especially with how busy my life is, I hadn't even noticed that nine months have gone by ^^; Feels like I posted this just a few weeks ago, but I've actually got a lot of the chapters written up and will be updated more frequently So, I guess, yay!

The Earth's ocean was beautiful. Something about it was so tranquil yet unbelieveably destructive. He didn't learn to appreciate it until he was stuck in space. Not that he didn't love space - _God he **loved** space_ \- but the ocean was different.

Space was something he didn't get to touch until recently. The ocean had been only steps away from his home back in Cuba. He saw it at every turn and although he loved it when you see something everyday you forget just how amazing it is until you can't see it anymore.

And he missed it. The ocean was his connection to his family, so many days spent together on the beaches. His piece of paradise.

The cattleship's swimming pool wasn't the ocean, but at least it was something.

"I hate this swimming pool." The voice was a shock to Lance's unguarded position, but a smile cracked on his lips at the words. He shifted his gaze over to Keith, the ravenet was laying beside him on the floor, arms folded over his chest with an irritated expression, glaring up at the untouched swimming pool.

They had attempted to get into it, but all attempts were futile, and they ended up putting their towels on the ground and have been laying their for the past forty minutes.

"Its not all bad." Lance chuckled, tracing his blue eyes over his companions face. "Its pretty to look at."

Keith scoffed, turning his head to look at Lance, the way his deep purple eyes narrowed made the corners of them crease. "Its just water several yards above us doing nothing."

Lance let out an airy breath, grinning. _Not everyone appreciates the ocean._

"Why are we just sitting here." Keith gestured to the empty area around them, extra hand emphasis towards the pool. "We aren't even doing anything."

"Its nice." Lance admitted, watching the pools little waves shimmer in the artificial light. It was nothing like the starlight reflecting off of the ocean's waves, but again it was close enough. "Do you ever miss Earth?"

Keith blinked, eyeing Lance before shrugging. "Honestly? No. I prefer. . . this." He waved his hand awkwardly in the air, making the blue paladin laugh. "This?" He motioned in the same way. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't have a large family like you did Lance. I've never had a family. . . not until we all came up here." Lance would've been embarrassed if he had been the one speaking, but Keith was nothing but solumn. "Voltron is my home. With all of you."

"I understand." Lance untucked his arms from behind his head with a sigh. "I don't know what I would do without any of you, but sometimes I miss my family." He rubbed his face shamefully. "I know out of everyone I can be the most emotional."

"That isn't bad. . ." Keith muttered.

Lance wanted to argue otherwise. His emotions always got the better of him, and as much as he hated to admit it it got him into trouble more than what should be possible. "It feels like it is." He paused to purse his lips, and looked back up at the pool. "I feel so many things all the times. Sometimes these feelings come over me that I don't understand. Like. . . like when Allura gives me this one. . . look." He struggled to explain it, clenching and unclenching his hands in the air.

Keith watched him with scrunched brows, struggling as much to understand. "Like when you flirt with her and she ignores you?"

"No." Lance's arms fell to the side, chest sinking as he let out a long sigh. "Its never when she ignores me its when she just-" he felt his lip quiver saying it out loud "-  _refuses_ to look at me. Like I make her **_sick_**." He had to cover his eyes with a hand. Keith might've thought it was because he was ready to cry, but Lance was trying to hide the fact that maybe he agreed with her. If he were any of them he'd probably be sick just looking at him.

"Lance." Keith's fingers brushed his wrist, and there was a slight hesitation. Lance could hear Keith trying to work out what to say. 

Lucky for him the blaring of the all too familiar sirens made Keith's fleeting fingers disappear completely. Allura's voice followed soon after, demanding all paladins to their Lions.

"Come on." Keith's hand returned, but this time to heave Lance up by the arm.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Lance wasn't ready for this_. Not even a day out of the cryopod and he was supposed to fly back to a rouge Galra ship passing by? His hands played with his bayard, standing in the bay, waiting for Allura and Coran to finish inputting the cordinates.

It had been several days for the rest of the team, but being in those pods made it feel like no time had passed. He worried at his lip, rubbing his palm against one of Blue's massive metallic paws. "Its going to be okay, right?"

 _"I'll be waiting for you."_ Blue reassured, purring thoughts into his head. _"In and out just like the black paladin told you."_ Lance was grateful to her, and he let his forehead rest against the cool metal of her leg. She had been like a sister to him since bringing them out into space. Out into this war. The comforting rumbles of her purrs inside his mind was all he needed to calm down.

_"The yellow and red paladin will be in there with you."_

Now that's what Lance was the most grateful for. Pidge wouldn't be stepping into the path of Galran soldiers inside a ship she didn't know how to navigate. Lance had to repeat that in his mind over and over. He knew Pidge was capable. _Dios_ , she was much more capable than himself. But she had become a little sister to him, and the thought of her getting hurt again because he hadn't acted quick enough or smart enough was too much.

He shook his head. There was no time to think of that now.

"Are you going to be okay in there?"

Speaking of.

Lance smiled sideways at the green paladin, Pidge's concerned face reflecting off of Blue. "I'll be fine." He promised. "I can take your place." Pidge murmurred, her hands wringing together. "You were hit worse than me and I. . . I feel like I should make up for what you did."

"No way." Lance shook his head, placing his hands on both of her shoulders, making sure she was looking him in the eyes. "None of that. Pidge, I'd do it again. You don't need to make up for anything. I'm going to be fine. Beside's we need you outside blasting pods with Shiro."

"I guess." Pidge cracked a smile but it was half-hearted. As long as Lance got a _quarter of a smile_  he was happy with it. He ran his hand through her ginger locks, huffing. "You can owe me back by letting me pick during your turn for the next movie night."

"Yeah, okay." That got the girl to laugh, so Lance grinned in turn. His own nerves disapated. "Alright." Allura's voice got their attention through the intercom. "We are coming up on the ship. Get into position."

Lance sighed through his nose, giving Pidge one last ruffle before patting Blue. His lion bowed her head and he climbed in as the other paladins did the same. If they were lucky it would be an in and out mission.

_Ezee-Pezee_

They just need to get rid of this single ship and they'll be back in the cattleship enjoying dinner together as a small family. Blue shared his thoughts, purring softly to ease him. He hummed in return before settling in.

"Okay." Shiro's voice sounded through his helmet. "Pidge and I will be attacking on the outside. Get in and destroy the engine and get out. Got it?" Lance agreed in sync with the others before piloting Blue out of the loading dock.

A sense of foreboding sat in his chest as they headed towards the Galrans location. He flew in form with Keith and Hunk while Pidge and Shiro went their route. Lance could feel a knot in his stomach form as the ship came into view.

The familiarity of the ship made him want to vomit even though he was certain he hadn't seen this specific ship before. But just looking at it right now made his hands shake. _Calm down._ He reassured himself while rubbing his hands over the console to assure Blue as well. _I'm just nervous because of the last fight is all._

She didn't argue, but her worry was evident.

"Ready to load?" Keith spoke up abruptly.

"Ready." Hunk said and Lance nodded before remembering that neither of them could see him. "Uh - yeah - ready." Lance swallowed, diving Blue towards the ship. Keith led the charge a blast on the other side of the ship telling them that Shiro and Pidge were already in the process of distracting the Galran's.

As soon as they landed Lance had to hold his head, his mind churning in a way he couldn't quite grip. Blue murmured, but no voice was heard. "I-I'll be fine." He promised, but Blue continued rumbling. He ignored her to pay attention to Keiths words through the speaker in his helmet.

"It should be a straight shot from there." Lance only heard the end, but he didn't need anymore than that. He clamborered out of Blue despite her protests and headed towards where Hunk and Keith were waiting knelt against a wall.

Keith shot Lance a quick glance before nodding his head down a hallway. "Down there and through the left doors and we'll be able to destroy their engine." Lance nodded, flicking his gaze to where their Lions waited.

"Do you think we'll have enough time to return, or-?" Lance could hear Blue's mournful whimpers in his head, urging him to come back to him immediately. He was almost positive he could even hear Red's voice although it sounded muted in his mind.

"We'll have enough time." Keiths voice cut through his thoughts and Lance was paying attention to the red paladin once again. "Let's go." Keith ducked into the hallway with Hunk after him. Lance flanked them, keeping a sharp eye behind, gun ready.

The ship rocked with each hit of the green and black lion. The galrans shouts far from their location. Lance was grateful for that. A quick mission was all he could handle right now. He could still hear Blue in the back of his mind, calling out to him.

They weaved through an entrance way towards a large metal door signalling the engine rooms entrance. Hunk went right to tinkering at the doors control panel. Lance aimed his gun towards the entranceway while Keith kept an eye on the hallways.

There was a heavyness in the air that made Lance suddenly wary. The sickness from before was gone and instead of feeling lathargic he was suddenly alert. A cloud of anxiety encased him.

"Hunk?" He murmurred, but the yellow paladin put a hand up. "Just about-" He stuck his tongue out before the panel lit up and the door slid into the wall "-open!"

"Good." Keith jogged over, peeking into the room. Lance shivered, a chill was coming from the room. Not even the whirring of the engines was loud enough to deafen the screams of Blue in his head.

"Guys I think we should go." Lance refused to enter the room, even taking a step back. "Lance, c'mon." Keith shot him an irritated look. "We need you and Hunk to shoot the-" The ship swayed and they stumbled.

Shouts alerted them. A fleet of Galran were nearby.

"Shit." Keith shoved past Lance just as the patrol turned the corner.

"Lance!" Hunk pulled him into the engine room. "We destroy this then we'll be gone." Hunk kept a steady hand on his shoulder, but it didn't stop Lance from jerking around. There was something in the room.

Hunk butt him gently with his gun before aiming it. "Lance!" Keith yelled, cutting down a few Galran. "We need to do it before the next group of Galran show up. Lance swallowed his fear and aimed with Hunk.

Hunk shot and one of the larger gears flung off. The engine screeched, making the entire ship sputter. Before Lance could pull the trigger a pair of hands curled around his eyes.

Cold and familiar.

He screamed, thrashing backwards and slamming into one of the walls.

"L-Lance?" Hunk stuttered, his surprise making him pull his trigger. The shot hit the other gear and the ship swayed aggressively. Hunk hit the wall and Lance could hear Keith's surprised yelp from outside along with a mix of startled Galrans.

Lance wanted to open his eyes, but fear kept them glued shut. He could feel his chest heave; hyperventilating. Blue roared and it was followed by what must've been Red from how Keith screamed in pain. It only took a second longer for Lance to realize that he was screaming too.

"Whats going on in there?" Shiro yelled into the speaker, but Lance couldn't bring himself to answer even if he wanted to. Hunk's voice sounded beside him and echoed through the speaker. "I'm not sure. Lance is freaking out and now Keith is too."

"Get out of there." Shiro ordered.

Lance shook, trying to claw the feeling of hands away from his eyes.

 _You can't hide forever._ A voice purred into his ear and he recognized it as Haggar's. There was something teasing to her tone though. Like she was talking to an old friend. _I've been wondering for so long why your aura felt so familiar._ Her laugh was wicked. Almost giddy. As if she was both impressed with herself for cracking a hard answer wide open and for knowing something that Lance seemed to not understand.

 _Its time to wake up, my prince._ The flashes of white light and hot pain that followed her words made Lance jerk forward. He couldn't breath, choking on nothing. Images he couldn't completely see blurred through his minds eye.

He could feel a hand on his shoulder.

In panic he grabbed it and twisted it around.

A pained scream followed the sound of bone breaking.

All Lance could see was white. Nothing but flickers of light going in and out of black. Unlike it though the pain encompassing his body didn't leave. It stayed and taunted him. He shoved past whoever had been in the opening and blindly ran.

Each body he bumped into he blasted with his gun, feeling blood splatter across his face as he did so. It didn't matter. All that he could think of to do was follow Blue and Reds desperate calling.

 _Faster. Almost there._ Blue's voice was quick, guiding him. _Left. Left._

 _Come on._ Reds voice was strong, urging him to continue no matter what. _Shoot. Don't think. Shoot. Come to us._

He followed their orders, sprinting through the hallway.

"Shiro!" It was Keith's voice through the speaker this time he was sure of it. "Hunk's hurt and Lance is-" His voice was cut off by a loud explosion. Not far behind Lance he heard Keith curse. A hand on his shoulder made Lance flinch and he lifted his gun.

"It's me." Keith hissed into his ear shoving Lance's gun downwards before grabbing him with his free hand. "This place is about to blow." Lance whimpered, letting the shorter drag him along, feeling one of Hunks hand on his back.

"I can't see." Lance breathed fearfully. "Everything is white."

"Red is going to pilot back to the ship. Lets get you on Blue." Keiths words were quick, shuffling him forward. Blues purrs were loud in his head, just as desperate to get him back on board. He felt a pull at his chest like soul strings - Blue urging him to go faster.

But then the strings went lax and Blue was screeching.

Lance had barely registered the sudden interference. Cold hands grabbing all over his body and ripping him from Keith's grasp. It wasn't until the heat of being slammed to the floor and dragged across the metal ground did he realize what was happening.

Haggar's cackling voice never left his ear. She didn't form words. Just awful noises kin to joy that he hadn't ever heard before. Not only was she excited, but she was absoluetly enthralled.

Lance tried to squirm in the witches grip, clawing at the floor, trying to grab onto the corners of walls as he was dragged down the hallways. She even dragged him through the fallen Galrans gunned down by him without a single care.

Their blood felt sticky on his skin and he wanted to throw up.

Not even the voices of his teammates screaming in his ear eased his stomach. Blue and Reds roars were a furious mixture and behind him he could hear the ripping of metal.

_Were they trying to get into the ship?_

Haggar laughed, pulling him from the ground and tossing him against a nearby wall. The momentum of being dragged and thrown at such a fast speed took all the air from his lungs and he collapassed with a wheeze.

The white light turned to a mixture of blue and red shades. Combining to a threatening deep violet.

"Uh-oh." Haggar laughed, and Lance felt her long fingers card through his hair. "The lions are upset." She yanked his head back, shoving two fingers down his throat. He tried to cough around them, but she kept a firm hold, pressing the tips of her limbs against his tongue. "Its not wise to upset a pride." She hummed as if nothing were abnormal.

"They are very protective of their cubs." She removed her fingers - grazing her nails against Lance's throat winning a gag from him. Haggar's other hands clawed against his side and he whimpered, collapasing against the wall.

She kept her body firmly pressed against his, continuing whatever it was she was doing. Scratching his waist raw. "Please." He whimpered, wanting to get out of her grasp. "Stop."

"I'm sorry, my little prince." She crooned in a motherly tone that only further disgusted Lance. Her voice was followed by more metallic screeches. From how the ship rocked Lance could only guess it was his teammates trying to find him within. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."

He doubted that. Though her hand finally relented, smeared with only what Lance had to guess was his own blood from how he felt the liquid pool down his hip and inner thigh. "You will be of such good use to us." She purred, rubbing her face against the crook of his neck. He shivered at the touch - almost jerking when both of her hands caressed his face. Mixing the saliva and blood.

"I will see you very soon." She pressed a kiss to his forehead and Lance startled at the feeling. His body jerked in response and his face burned from where his own saliva and blood dripped. Her cold hands were gone in a tick leaving him to fall limp to the ground and writhe in his own fluxuating temperature.

Lance felt sick. Disgust washing over him when he reached out in hopes of feeling Haggar's hands again. It was the only thing that kept the pain away. Now it had worsened tenfold and it felt like his body was fighting with itself.

Convulsing on the ground begging for death to take the pain away.

The vivid purple behind his eyes ebbed and he was left with a bright angry red. The air around him shifted when a loud boom echoed in the hallway around him. He vibrated with the ship, feeling a suction of air trying to vaccum him out of whatever area had been opened.

The sucking cold only lasted a tick, something scooping him up from the ground before shutting. He whimpered. Confused and lost.

 _Safe_.

"R-Red?" Lance tried to sit himself up, the uncomfortable strain in his muscles making it difficult.

 _Safe._ Red repeated in Lance's head and his purrs instantly ebbed any pain Lance had been feeling. The blue paladin collapsed back against his floor. The release of pain made his body shake and he barely realized that he was sobbing.

"Thank you." He cried into his hands. The red shades vanished back to white. "Thank you." He couldn't stop repeating it, melting into Red's embracing purrs and voice. _I'll protect you_.

Lance sniffed. "Where's Keith?"

The purrs stunted and Lance could feel Reds guilt come over him in waves.

"Red?" He forced himself up now, reaching for something. "Where's Keith? God, please, Red. Don't tell me you left him." His hands grazed the pilots seat and he pulled himself up into it.

 _Safe_. Red rumbled, sounding a little insulted. _He's with Y_ _ellow. . ._

Lance paused, rubbing his eyes. The white had yet to leave so he was still flying blind. "Hunk's with him too, right? And Blue?"

 _They're all safe_. Red promised him and Lance startled at how they started going a little faster. _The other lions know that I have you_. He sounded wary however. Lance gripped either side of the chair. "Is. . Is something wrong?"

He said nothing.

Lance sighed before stopping to groan. Where was his helmet? Did it come off, or did Red grab it too? He tried to palm at his eyes again to no avail. "Red. I need to talk to them. They need to know I'm okay."

 _No._ Red grunted. Lance could practically feel him bristling. _Blue and I can protect you. They won't understand._ His voice was more than just a growl. Almost threatening. Lance gripped his head. The vibrations made his heart stutter with emotions he couldn't understand.

It brought back blurs of images. "Red." He sobbed out, hugging himself. "What did she do to me?" The colors came back. Instead of mixing into purple it stayed two seperate shades of red and blue. "What is this?"

Red whinned and distantly Lance could hear Blue crying in the back of his mind.

 _I'm sorry._ Both Blue and Red answered, and he could feel them both encompassing him. The chill felt a lot like the cryopods and he felt his body slowly going limp.

Their synced purrs lulled him into a confined rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any spelling mistakes! will be edited later!!

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to make Allura and Coran's grief obvious so I hope nobody minds this chapter being more Allura-centered! Lance takes over next chapter and onward! Which will be posted tomorrow - today? - its 2am. Sorry lol


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